In Tibetan Buddhism, there’s a powerful concept that can transform how we view our inner struggles. Tibetan Buddhist teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche speaks about shaking hands with what he calls our “beautiful monsters.”
“Beautiful monsters,” Rinpoche explains, “are like ice. Their nature is like water. We don’t have to destroy the ice but melt it, freeing it into its natural state of flow.” These monsters represent our frozen patterns of reacting and resisting. The medicine that melts this ice is the warmth of kindness toward these aspects of ourselves that we’ve often pushed out of awareness.
Rinpoche clarifies that these parts are neither purely beautiful nor solely monstrous. They can indeed be destructive in their ways, and it’s important to acknowledge the cost of these patterns without being naive. However, focusing only on their negative aspects without appreciating their beauty doesn’t allow for a true meeting. When we approach them with judgment, we fail to see their true nature. Even in the most challenging parts of ourselves, there is something of value.
This perspective aligns with the insights of Richard Schwartz, founder of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) method. From years in practice speaking to people from all walks of life, Schwartz has come to believe that there are no inherently bad parts within us. At the heart of any part of us is an origin story; they were shaped by experience and are the way they are for good reason. If we look deeply enough – or perhaps softly enough – we will find a positive intention and beauty in each part.
I believe our deepest yearning is to trust the unknown. One of my most profound experiences with the unknown and these “beautiful monsters” came through vision questing. I spent 13 days alone in the mountains, realizing that the vision I sought was always right in front of me. It’s a continuous journey to stay awake to that realization. We often get caught up in distractions, which Enneagram teacher Helen Palmer categorizes as past memories, future fantasies, imagination, sensations, and emotions. These distractions can cause us to miss what’s right before our eyes.
During my time on the mountain, I discovered that nothing needed to happen for me to get distracted. My schedule was clear, with no obligations other than simply being present. Yet, being present was the greatest challenge. I spent those 13 days in a struggle for presence. As time passed, I noticed an interesting shift: the beauty of the experience naturally came to the forefront. Without anyone or anything in the way, life revealed itself as truly miraculous – the sheer wonder of being alive, having this experience, whatever it may be.
This journey of self-discovery and presence is ongoing. By learning to approach our “beautiful monsters” with kindness and curiosity, we can begin to melt the ice of our rigid patterns. In doing so, we open ourselves to the flow of life and the beauty that exists in every moment, even in our struggles.
As you reflect on your own experiences, consider: What “beautiful monsters” might you be ready to shake hands with? How might a change in perspective transform your relationship with the challenging parts of yourself?
*art work by Jing-Li