In the context of Internal Family Systems (IFS), controlling and managing parts are specific types of internal roles that seek to handle and direct our experiences and interactions. They often emerge in response to challenges or stressors, aiming to maintain stability and achieve goals.
In (IFS) therapy, managers are like the part of you that takes charge of your daily life, trying to keep things running smoothly and prevent problems. Imagine you’re the boss of a busy office; your managers are like the staff who handle different tasks to make sure everything stays on track. For example, if you’re worried about a big presentation, a manager part might push you to prepare thoroughly and avoid any mistakes, even if it means you might miss out on some fun activities. Their goal is to keep you safe and successful by managing situations proactively.
Imagine that a teacher at school was particularly strict and, one day, you received a harsh comment from this teacher. You felt quite embarrassed by it and said to yourself “I will never allow anyone to have that judgement of me”. Whenever the behaviour of a part of you is motivated by a “I will never do/act/go through this again”, we are in the presence of a Manager part.
Sometimes managers become burdened, and fall into more extreme roles. Where this is the case, its usually related to experiences in the past that have not been fully digested, and managing parts are doing everything they can to prevent us from re-experiencing those old feelings.
Healthy vs unhealthy expressions
Healthy Managers
- Role: Healthy managers perform their protective role without overwhelming other parts of the system. They guide and manage daily life tasks, decision-making, and interactions in a balanced way.
- Function: Their goal is to prevent harm and ensure safety, but they do so without rigid control. They help you plan, organise, and maintain relationships or achievements without creating excessive pressure or anxiety.
- Flexibility: These managers allow spontaneity, creativity, and emotional fluidity when it’s safe. They understand when to step back and let other parts (like joy, curiosity, or openness) take the lead.
- Connection to Self: Healthy managers are more aligned with the Self, meaning they allow the qualities of calm, clarity, and compassion to guide their actions. They don’t dominate but work in harmony with other parts, ensuring you can adapt to various situations.
Burdened Managers
- Role: Burdened managers are parts that have taken on extreme roles in response to trauma or difficult experiences. They are overworked and hypervigilant, constantly trying to prevent overwhelming emotions or traumatisation.
- Function: Their goal is to avoid danger and emotional pain at all costs, often leading to rigid, controlling behaviours. These managers can stifle spontaneity, creativity, or emotional vulnerability, believing those traits may lead to harm or rejection.
- Inflexibility: Burdened managers tend to apply their protective strategies even when they are not needed. They may overreact to relatively minor stressors, causing unnecessary anxiety, avoidance, or perfectionism.
- Disconnection from Self: Burdened managers are disconnected from the Self’s healing qualities. They often act out of fear, distrust, or a belief that they are the only protection you have. They suppress or exile other parts of you, especially emotions that they deem too painful or dangerous to handle.
In Summary:
- Healthy managers allow for balance and adaptability, acting as protectors without suffocating other parts of the system.
- Burdened managers take on extreme, rigid roles, trying to prevent re-experiencing trauma or pain, which can limit emotional expression and spontaneity. Their burden is the excessive responsibility they carry to avoid overwhelming situations at any cost.
In IFS, the goal is to help burdened managers release their burdens so they can return to a healthier, more flexible protective role aligned with the Self. When controlling and managing parts are in balance, life looks organised yet flexible, structured yet open to new possibilities.
The Enneagram and the Nine Manager Types
The Enneagram is a powerful tool for understanding different personality types, each with its own core motivations, fears, and desires. You will likely find one strategy as more dominant than any of the others, although it is common to recognise a few in yourself.
1. The Perfectionist Manager
What They Do: This part strives for order, correctness, and improvement. It imposes strict standards and can become critical when things don’t measure up. It believes that by controlling behaviour and maintaining high standards, chaos can be avoided.
What They’re Afraid Of: Making mistakes or allowing imperfections to surface. They fear that if things aren’t perfect, they’ll lose control, and disaster will follow.
What They Want: To ensure everything is done “right” to create a sense of safety and predictability. They want to believe that by perfecting themselves and their environment, they will avoid criticism and gain respect.
2. The Helper Manager
What They Do: This part manages through nurturing others and meeting their needs, believing that controlling relationships is the best way to ensure love and connection. It might make you overextend yourself in service of others, neglecting your own needs.
What They’re Afraid Of: Rejection or abandonment. They fear that if they don’t help, they won’t be loved or appreciated, and they’ll be left alone.
What They Want: To maintain connection through generosity. Their control strategy is rooted in the belief that if they give enough, they’ll always be needed and valued.
3. The Achiever Manager
What They Do: This part manages through striving for success, constantly pushing toward goals and accomplishments. It believes that by achieving, it can control how others see you and keep the sense of worth intact.
What They’re Afraid Of: Failure or being seen as worthless. They fear that if they don’t achieve, they’ll lose respect and be deemed unworthy of love or attention.
What They Want: To gain validation and approval through accomplishment. Their need for control comes from a desire to be admired and to ensure they maintain their self-worth through external success.
4. The Individualist Manager
What They Do: This part controls by emphasising uniqueness and emotional depth. It manages your internal world by amplifying emotions, seeking authenticity, and often focusing on what’s missing or what could be more meaningful.
What They’re Afraid Of: Being ordinary or emotionally disconnected. They fear losing their sense of specialness or being seen as shallow and irrelevant.
What They Want: To feel deeply and be understood for their individuality. Their control strategy is to ensure that they are seen as unique and significant by maintaining emotional intensity and depth.
5. The Investigator Manager
What They Do: This part manages by gathering knowledge and understanding systems. It believes that control is best maintained through competence and preparation, often withdrawing from emotional engagement to focus on acquiring information.
What They’re Afraid Of: Feeling overwhelmed or inadequate. They fear that without enough knowledge, they’ll be exposed or powerless in the face of uncertainty.
What They Want: To feel safe and in control through knowing and understanding. Their need for control stems from a desire to be prepared for any situation, guarding against vulnerability.
6. The Loyalist Manager
What They Do: This part manages by anticipating risks and preparing for worst-case scenarios. It often seeks support from external authorities and maintains control by staying hypervigilant, scanning for potential threats.
What They’re Afraid Of: Being unsupported or betrayed. They fear being left alone to deal with danger and uncertainty without adequate resources.
What They Want: To feel secure and find safety in loyalty and predictability. Their control strategy is to anticipate all possible risks and to ensure they are always prepared for whatever might go wrong.
7. The Enthusiast Manager
What They Do: This part manages by staying positive, busy, and avoiding emotional pain. It controls through constant activity, planning, and seeking new, stimulating experiences to avoid feelings of boredom or discomfort.
What They’re Afraid Of: Being trapped in pain, discomfort, or limitation. They fear that if they slow down, they’ll be forced to face unpleasant emotions or experiences.
What They Want: To feel free and maintain a sense of excitement and possibility. Their control strategy is to avoid being tied down to anything that could be painful or limiting by always looking for the next exciting thing.
8. The Challenger Manager
What They Do: This part manages by asserting control over situations and people, often taking a tough, no-nonsense approach. It believes that strength and dominance are the best ways to avoid being controlled or harmed by others.
What They’re Afraid Of: Being vulnerable or controlled by others. They fear weakness, seeing it as an invitation for others to dominate or exploit them.
What They Want: To maintain power and autonomy. Their control strategy is to ensure they are always in charge, never at the mercy of someone else’s influence.
9. The Peacemaker Manager
What They Do: This part manages by maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict. It controls by keeping things calm, smoothing over differences, and sometimes merging with others’ desires to avoid upsetting the balance.
What They’re Afraid Of: Conflict and disconnection. They fear that if they assert themselves, they’ll disrupt harmony and lose connection with others.
What They Want: To maintain inner and outer peace. Their control strategy is to ensure everything stays smooth and conflict-free, even if it means sacrificing their own needs or opinions.
These internal managers, viewed through the lens of the Enneagram, offer unique ways to understand how our personality influences the way we control, avoid pain, or strive for safety. By exploring each of these strategies, we can begin to see the root fears and desires driving our behaviour and work toward greater self-awareness and balance. You can think of the Buddhist metaphor of clinging as a way of understanding manager parts. In essence, they are avoiding or desiring.