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Robert Greene, a renowned author known for his influential works on strategy, power, and human behaviour, including The 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction, has emphasised the importance of social intelligence throughout his writings. He argues that mastering social dynamics is essential for everyone, we’re social creatures and in order survive (and thrive!) in the world, we must develop our social intelligence. According to him, understanding human nature and interpersonal cues allows you to navigate complex relationships with finesse, avoid manipulation, and become more effective in achieving your goals.

The key step to developing social intelligence, as Greene highlights, is learning to observe others without judgment. Our narcissistic like tendencies often keep us focused on our own needs and desires. To become more socially intelligent—or from an IFS perspective, for our managers to express themselves in healthier ways—the solution is simpler than you might think: become genuinely interested in other people. Listen more, ask questions, and cultivate true curiosity about their worldview. What follows are Hornevian styles, or the different ways our managers try to get what they want.

These social styles are inspired by Karen Horney, a prominent 20th-century psychoanalyst, who developed a theory of personality emphasising how social and cultural factors shape our behaviour and self-concept. One of her significant contributions is her theory of social styles (or interpersonal orientations), which describe the ways individuals cope with the challenges and demands of life. These are personality strategies that reflect how we navigate social spaces to get what we want.

Horney identified three primary social styles, each reflecting a different approach to managing interpersonal relationships and achieving a sense of security:

1. Moving Toward People (Compliant Type): People with this style seek approval, love, and acceptance from others. They often strive to please and conform to the expectations of those around them, trying to avoid conflict and gain support. This style is characterized by a need for affection and a tendency to be overly dependent on others for validation and security.
2. Moving Against People (Aggressive Type): Individuals with this orientation adopt a more assertive or competitive stance. They may display aggression, dominance, and a need to control their environment to feel secure. This style often involves striving for power and success, with a focus on winning and maintaining a position of strength. People with this orientation might struggle with vulnerability and often view relationships in terms of power dynamics.
3. Moving Away from People (Detached Type): Those who adopt this style tend to withdraw from others and seek self-sufficiency. They often value independence and may prioritise personal space and autonomy over close relationships. This style is characterised by a desire to avoid emotional involvement and dependency, leading to a more solitary or reserved approach to life.

Enneagram type groupings

Assertive Types (3, 7, 8) – Moving Against People

These types cope by asserting themselves in the world, actively seeking to shape their environment and take control of their circumstances. They manage vulnerability by adopting a stance of strength, pushing against challenges, and driving toward goals.

Type 3: The Achiever

Type 3 embodies assertive style by focusing on external success and image. Threes move against the world by striving to achieve and stand out through accomplishments. Their core belief is that their value comes from what they do, so they continually push themselves to reach the top. However, this assertiveness is driven by a need to avoid failure and maintain control over how they are perceived.

• Key Social Style: Assertiveness comes from constantly seeking recognition, moving forward with relentless ambition to control their image and avoid being seen as inadequate.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

Sevens express the assertive style by constantly seeking new experiences and excitement. Their strategy is to avoid discomfort by staying on the move, filling life with stimulation and options. They assert themselves through their optimism and energy, pushing away constraints and potential pain. Their drive to assert freedom and avoid limitations shows a kind of boldness in navigating life, though it is also a way to avoid deeper feelings.

• Key Social Style: Assertiveness manifests as an optimistic drive to experience life fully, moving against boredom or suffering by seeking pleasure and freedom.

Type 8: The Challenger

Type 8 is the quintessential assertive type. Eights move against the world by asserting power and control, seeking to protect themselves and others from harm. This behaviour is rooted in a deep need to avoid vulnerability. Eights challenge the environment head-on, positioning themselves as leaders or defenders, believing that only through strength and direct action can they maintain security.

• Key Social Style: Assertiveness is direct, powerful, and sometimes confrontational, with a belief that controlling the environment is the only way to stay safe.

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Compliant Types (1, 2, 6) – Moving Toward People

These types manage stress by aligning with external expectations, seeking approval, and maintaining loyalty to others. Their orientation is toward pleasing or conforming in order to gain security or love.

Type 1: The Reformer

Type 1 expresses compliance through a commitment to doing what is “right.” Ones move toward others by following rules and high standards, believing that adhering to a moral or ethical code will earn them approval and maintain order. Their compliant nature is a way to avoid criticism and inner turmoil, as they seek validation through perfectionism.

• Key Social Style: Compliance manifests as an alignment with ideals and a drive to meet external (or self-imposed) standards, believing that only through correctness can they gain approval.

Type 2: The Helper

For Type 2, compliance comes through a focus on pleasing others and earning love through service. Twos move toward people by anticipating and meeting their needs, often suppressing their own desires. Their compliant strategy stems from a belief that they must be indispensable to others to feel worthy of love. Twos use their nurturing and helpfulness as a way to gain affection and avoid rejection.

• Key Social Style: Compliance is rooted in meeting others’ needs, driven by a desire for connection and love, believing that this will secure their place in relationships.

Type 6: The Loyalist

Type 6 expresses compliance by seeking security through loyalty and aligning with trusted authorities or groups. Sixes move toward people by forming alliances, seeking guidance, and following rules that they believe will keep them safe. Their compliant style is fuelled by anxiety about uncertainty, so they look to external sources of stability, either through devotion to others or by adhering to structures that promise security.

• Key Social Style: Compliance shows up in their loyalty to others, rules, or beliefs, driven by a need to feel supported and avoid the fear of instability.

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Withdrawn Types (4, 5, 9) – Moving Away from People

These types manage stress by withdrawing from external demands, seeking safety or fulfilment in their inner world. They move away from people to avoid overwhelming interactions, emotional stress, or conflict.

Type 4: The Individualist

Type 4’s withdrawn style as a strategy to protect their deep sense of self. Fours withdraw emotionally to reflect on their identity, often feeling different from others. They move away from the world when they feel misunderstood or disconnected, retreating into their inner life to explore their feelings. Their withdrawal is a way of preserving their uniqueness and avoiding being engulfed by others’ expectations.

• Key Social Style: Withdrawal is emotional, focused on retreating into the self to explore and express their individuality, seeking to avoid feeling misunderstood or emotionally overwhelmed.

Type 5: The Investigator

Type 5 exemplifies Horney’s withdrawn style by retreating into intellectual detachment and self-sufficiency. Fives move away from people to conserve energy and protect themselves from being overwhelmed. Their strategy is to retreat into their minds, accumulating knowledge while maintaining a safe distance from the emotional demands of others. Withdrawal for Fives is about creating boundaries and maintaining autonomy.

• Key Social Style: Withdrawal is intellectual and physical, driven by a need to protect themselves from overwhelm, believing they can only maintain control by limiting engagement with others.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

Type 9’s withdrawn style is expressed through a tendency to avoid conflict and emotional intensity. Nines move away from people by numbing themselves or disengaging from challenging situations. Their withdrawal helps them maintain inner peace, but it also leads to a disconnection from their own desires and priorities. Nines often merge with others to avoid disruption, quietly withdrawing from their own sense of self.

• Key Social Style: Withdrawal is passive, aimed at avoiding conflict and maintaining harmony, driven by a desire to keep the peace at the expense of their own voice and needs.

In the context of Internal Family Systems (IFS), controlling and managing parts are specific types of internal roles that seek to handle and direct our experiences and interactions. They often emerge in response to challenges or stressors, aiming to maintain stability and achieve goals.

In (IFS) therapy, managers are like the part of you that takes charge of your daily life, trying to keep things running smoothly and prevent problems. Imagine you’re the boss of a busy office; your managers are like the staff who handle different tasks to make sure everything stays on track. For example, if you’re worried about a big presentation, a manager part might push you to prepare thoroughly and avoid any mistakes, even if it means you might miss out on some fun activities. Their goal is to keep you safe and successful by managing situations proactively.

Imagine that a teacher at school was particularly strict and, one day, you received a harsh comment from this teacher. You felt quite embarrassed by it and said to yourself “I will never allow anyone to have that judgement of me”. Whenever the behaviour of a part of you is motivated by a “I will never do/act/go through this again”, we are in the presence of a Manager part.

Sometimes managers become burdened, and fall into more extreme roles. Where this is the case, its usually related to experiences in the past that have not been fully digested, and managing parts are doing everything they can to prevent us from re-experiencing those old feelings.

Healthy vs unhealthy expressions

Healthy Managers

• Role: Healthy managers perform their protective role without overwhelming other parts of the system. They guide and manage daily life tasks, decision-making, and interactions in a balanced way.
• Function: Their goal is to prevent harm and ensure safety, but they do so without rigid control. They help you plan, organise, and maintain relationships or achievements without creating excessive pressure or anxiety.
• Flexibility: These managers allow spontaneity, creativity, and emotional fluidity when it’s safe. They understand when to step back and let other parts (like joy, curiosity, or openness) take the lead.
• Connection to Self: Healthy managers are more aligned with the Self, meaning they allow the qualities of calm, clarity, and compassion to guide their actions. They don’t dominate but work in harmony with other parts, ensuring you can adapt to various situations.

Burdened Managers

• Role: Burdened managers are parts that have taken on extreme roles in response to trauma or difficult experiences. They are overworked and hypervigilant, constantly trying to prevent overwhelming emotions or traumatisation.
• Function: Their goal is to avoid danger and emotional pain at all costs, often leading to rigid, controlling behaviours. These managers can stifle spontaneity, creativity, or emotional vulnerability, believing those traits may lead to harm or rejection.
• Inflexibility: Burdened managers tend to apply their protective strategies even when they are not needed. They may overreact to relatively minor stressors, causing unnecessary anxiety, avoidance, or perfectionism.
• Disconnection from Self: Burdened managers are disconnected from the Self’s healing qualities. They often act out of fear, distrust, or a belief that they are the only protection you have. They suppress or exile other parts of you, especially emotions that they deem too painful or dangerous to handle.

In Summary:

• Healthy managers allow for balance and adaptability, acting as protectors without suffocating other parts of the system.
• Burdened managers take on extreme, rigid roles, trying to prevent re-experiencing trauma or pain, which can limit emotional expression and spontaneity. Their burden is the excessive responsibility they carry to avoid overwhelming situations at any cost.

In IFS, the goal is to help burdened managers release their burdens so they can return to a healthier, more flexible protective role aligned with the Self. When controlling and managing parts are in balance, life looks organised yet flexible, structured yet open to new possibilities.

The Enneagram and the Nine Manager Types

1. The Perfectionist Manager

What They Do: This part strives for order, correctness, and improvement. It imposes strict standards and can become critical when things don’t measure up. It believes that by controlling behaviour and maintaining high standards, chaos can be avoided.

What They’re Afraid Of: Making mistakes or allowing imperfections to surface. They fear that if things aren’t perfect, they’ll lose control, and disaster will follow.

What They Want: To ensure everything is done “right” to create a sense of safety and predictability. They want to believe that by perfecting themselves and their environment, they will avoid criticism and gain respect.

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2. The Helper Manager

What They Do: This part manages through nurturing others and meeting their needs, believing that controlling relationships is the best way to ensure love and connection. It might make you overextend yourself in service of others, neglecting your own needs.

What They’re Afraid Of: Rejection or abandonment. They fear that if they don’t help, they won’t be loved or appreciated, and they’ll be left alone.

What They Want: To maintain connection through generosity. Their control strategy is rooted in the belief that if they give enough, they’ll always be needed and valued.

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3. The Achiever Manager

What They Do: This part manages through striving for success, constantly pushing toward goals and accomplishments. It believes that by achieving, it can control how others see you and keep the sense of worth intact.

What They’re Afraid Of: Failure or being seen as worthless. They fear that if they don’t achieve, they’ll lose respect and be deemed unworthy of love or attention.

What They Want: To gain validation and approval through accomplishment. Their need for control comes from a desire to be admired and to ensure they maintain their self-worth through external success.

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4. The Individualist Manager

What They Do: This part controls by emphasising uniqueness and emotional depth. It manages your internal world by amplifying emotions, seeking authenticity, and often focusing on what’s missing or what could be more meaningful.

What They’re Afraid Of: Being ordinary or emotionally disconnected. They fear losing their sense of specialness or being seen as shallow and irrelevant.

What They Want: To feel deeply and be understood for their individuality. Their control strategy is to ensure that they are seen as unique and significant by maintaining emotional intensity and depth.

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5. The Investigator Manager

What They Do: This part manages by gathering knowledge and understanding systems. It believes that control is best maintained through competence and preparation, often withdrawing from emotional engagement to focus on acquiring information.

What They’re Afraid Of: Feeling overwhelmed or inadequate. They fear that without enough knowledge, they’ll be exposed or powerless in the face of uncertainty.

What They Want: To feel safe and in control through knowing and understanding. Their need for control stems from a desire to be prepared for any situation, guarding against vulnerability.

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6. The Loyalist Manager

What They Do: This part manages by anticipating risks and preparing for worst-case scenarios. It often seeks support from external authorities and maintains control by staying hypervigilant, scanning for potential threats.

What They’re Afraid Of: Being unsupported or betrayed. They fear being left alone to deal with danger and uncertainty without adequate resources.

What They Want: To feel secure and find safety in loyalty and predictability. Their control strategy is to anticipate all possible risks and to ensure they are always prepared for whatever might go wrong.

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7. The Enthusiast Manager

What They Do: This part manages by staying positive, busy, and avoiding emotional pain. It controls through constant activity, planning, and seeking new, stimulating experiences to avoid feelings of boredom or discomfort.

What They’re Afraid Of: Being trapped in pain, discomfort, or limitation. They fear that if they slow down, they’ll be forced to face unpleasant emotions or experiences.

What They Want: To feel free and maintain a sense of excitement and possibility. Their control strategy is to avoid being tied down to anything that could be painful or limiting by always looking for the next exciting thing.

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8. The Challenger Manager

What They Do: This part manages by asserting control over situations and people, often taking a tough, no-nonsense approach. It believes that strength and dominance are the best ways to avoid being controlled or harmed by others.

What They’re Afraid Of: Being vulnerable or controlled by others. They fear weakness, seeing it as an invitation for others to dominate or exploit them.

What They Want: To maintain power and autonomy. Their control strategy is to ensure they are always in charge, never at the mercy of someone else’s influence.

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9. The Peacemaker Manager

What They Do: This part manages by maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict. It controls by keeping things calm, smoothing over differences, and sometimes merging with others’ desires to avoid upsetting the balance.

What They’re Afraid Of: Conflict and disconnection. They fear that if they assert themselves, they’ll disrupt harmony and lose connection with others.

What They Want: To maintain inner and outer peace. Their control strategy is to ensure everything stays smooth and conflict-free, even if it means sacrificing their own needs or opinions.

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These internal managers, viewed through the lens of the Enneagram, offer unique ways to understand how our personality influences the way we control, avoid pain, or strive for safety. By exploring each of these strategies, we can begin to see the root fears and desires driving our behaviour and work toward greater self-awareness and balance. You can think of the Buddhist metaphor of clinging as a way of understanding manager parts. In essence, they are avoiding or desiring.